He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
