1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
