I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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