I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
