I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
