please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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