How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
