just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
