Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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