Where did you get a picture of my penis
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
