I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
