guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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