Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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