is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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