Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Randomize
