I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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