i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
