I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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