i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
