And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
