if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
