Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
