A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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