Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
