Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
