so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
