Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
