I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
