Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
