Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
