I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just pee around me
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
