there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
