We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
