Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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