I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You ruined the universe
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
