hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
