Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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