He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
