He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
