We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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