I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
