Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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