i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
