I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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