my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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