Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
