I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
