I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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