If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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