Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
