My friends, they love my intelligence
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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