Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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