I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
