I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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