I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
