carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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