Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
